All systems go, the sun hasn’t died
Deep in my bones, straight from inside

I’m waking up, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Welcome to the new age, to the new age
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, I’m radioactive, radioactive

Radioactive – Imagine Dragons

Climbing hills has never been a problem for me. Before Kate and Ana, Christian and I would spend weekend after weekend hiking through every remote corner of the state of Washington. My favorite has always been Goat Mountain in the North Cascades National Park. Probably because it always feels so isolated and remote climbing through those forests. We would push ourselves to the absolute limit until our lungs were fit to burst and our muscles were numb with cold and pain. I have always loved that challenge, that exhaustion, that sense of achievement. And as long as there was no combat involved, I could give Christian a run for his money in the fitness stakes.

Now the hill is a mountain of pain that is fighting back and working to conquer me. My uncooperative limbs are like weights stopping my progress. Pushing myself is like dragging a psychological Mack truck around on my aching back. It’s simply getting beyond me and I haven’t got the heart to admit to Kate that giving up is the prize hovering at the end of my fingertips. I can touch and taste defeat and I’m so goddamn tired that it might just be the sweetness on my tongue I long for. But after all that we have been through I can’t ask her to stand there and watch me give up. So I retreat into my pain and anger because I am a fucked up angry asshole. She deserves better than this shit but the pain is like a black curtain over my eyes, blinding me to any sense of direction or hope.

And then there is the monotony of it all. I wake up in pain, I eat, shit, take pain meds and anti-inflammatories that make me sick, I sit in the shower on a goddamn chair and prepare to grit my teeth through another day. The wheelchair stares at me from beside the bed reminding me daily that my life is fucked from here on in. The strain and effort just to reach over and haul my ass into the damn thing makes me want to strip it apart piece by piece and launch it through the open window. And this fucking pseudo hospital bed with all the bells and whistles that Kate has had installed in the guest bedroom feels like a torture chamber. Nothing makes me comfortable so the state of the art shit is so unnecessary but at least I can grab the remote and launch myself into the day without too much assistance.

Once I get my wheels on I can get down to the pool which is the only place where I can feel normal. The water gives me buoyancy and resistance and even though I am dragging around a kids floaty board between my dead legs, I can at least have the sensation of being mobile under my own steam. Christian wanted to get me one of those hydraulic lifts to get me in and out of the water but my pride won’t let me have that shit on the property. That would be a big fucking badge of hopeless as far as I am concerned. Upper body strength at least gives me enough scope to haul my useless ass out of the water and up into the chair.

“You need a hand?” Mike hands me a towel to dry myself off. He busies himself checking the brakes on the chair as I hit the side of the pool, trying not to look me directly in the eye in case I bite his head off like I usually do. Poor prick. I don’t even have the good grace to answer him, merely grunting before I lift myself back into the chair. He flicks the brakes and I turn myself around and head for the gym.

As we arrive in the room I hear voices down the hall in the kitchen. Seems like baby brother has arrived and is having a heart to heart with Kate before she heads out to work. What I wouldn’t give to be heading out to work. Once James got the all clear from the feds to move back onto the site, work had continued on Christian’s mansion and I would cut off my left tit to be able to stand up on that roof and check each of the slate tiles myself. The anger ratchets up a notch at the thought. Footsteps down the hall break me out of my funk.

“Hey dork, how’s it hanging?” I scowl at him. “What no pithy comeback? You’re losing your edge, Lelliot.”

“Fuck off, Chris.” He’s right. The bromance is gone and taken my witty banter with it.

“Don’t be a prick. I come baring news and I need to see you put your game face on.” I don’t know if he gets it but unless he is going to give me news on a miracle pain cure and a ten day plan to get my weak as piss legs back, then I actually couldn’t give a fuck.

“Say it and then get the fuck out. My dance classes are about to start.” I wheel myself over to the free weights as a signal to him that the visit is over. Prick doesn’t take a hint. He stalks over behind me and grabs the wheelchair handles spinning me around to face him.

“You’re an ass, Elliot. Don’t make me kick you.” He glares at me. Instead of taking the warning I push back away from him and turn around again reaching for a 60lb dumb bell, wanting for the world to turn around and throw it at his head. “Linc’s been released.”

My hand pauses on the bar as I let the chill run down my spine. I turn around to face him.

“What? The feds said they had enough evidence to lock him for life?”

“Yeah, well someone higher up the chain is pulling the strings and the bastard is out on the streets, as of this morning.” My mind goes into overdrive. Kate got the scoop on the sex slave story and that shit was all over the news when Linc was finally hauled in for questioning. If he’s out then she is number one target.

“Where’s Kate?” I go to push past him but Christian’s hand shoots out to stop me.

“Relax, big guy. She’s a got a team with her. She’s going into the city to empty her desk and then she’s going to work from here until we can get him behind bars again.”

“But that could take months.”

“Yeah, and she says she’s not leaving your side until this is over. I don’t know but we’ll sort it out even if I have to hire her myself. God knows she would be amazing on the PR team.” Kate and Christian getting along has been one bonus in the fucked up pool of my life. “Listen, we know what we’re up against now. I can hire the people to keep us all safe but I think now might be a good time for us to get the family out of town for an extended holiday. I’m thinking we might want to be down near Haiti sooner rather than later.”

“Good fucking plan, bro, but I’m kind limited with my travel plans.”

“You’ve got motivation to move this rehab stint along.”

“Fuck you, I’m moving as fast I can. I’m sorry if that isn’t good enough for you.”

“Quit feeling so fucking sorry for yourself. Mike has told me that you’ve started to refuse to do certain exercises. That you’re limiting yourself to upper body training in between visits to the clinic.” My eyes shoot to wear Mike is standing. He simply folds his arms and leans back on the exercise bench. When I’m at the clinic I have the boys to motivate me and my pride won’t let me back down from the exercise regime they put me through. But the residual pain and exhaustion serves to shut me down at home and so I’ve been avoiding working my legs in the home sessions because I can get away with it. Mike might be tough but I’ve got complete prick pretty much nailed. Can’t help but feel that I learned that from Christian over the years.

“You’ve got no idea what I’m going through so don’t fucking judge me.” My plan is to head back to the weights but Christian blocks me from turning with a foot on the wheel. I look down. “Move your foot, bro.”

“Make me.” I’ve got no time or energy for stupid childish games. I try to move again and he stops me by placing his hands on either side of the chair. I grab his hands and try to shift them but the little shit is strong. Instead he shoves me backwards, my chair scooting uncontrolled across the room.

“You ass.” I fight to get the movement under control as he grabs the back and shoves me over to where Mike is standing. When we get there I glare from one to the other.

“Now what?”

“Mike?” They both grab an arm and haul me out of the chair and lifting me bodily to a standing position. The pain I expect to feel rip through me doesn’t arrive, I guess because they are holding all of my weight. “1-2-3.”

They lift me on to the bench so that Mike has easy access to my legs. I know what comes next, the stretches that I can do quite easily on my own on the floor or on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling barely holding my anger in check.

“What the fuck is the point, Chris? I can do this shit myself.”

“Yeah, you can. But it isn’t the same is it? Now stop being a fucking pussy and let the man do his job.”

For the next hour Mike pushes, pulls and prods me to distraction with Christian on the sidelines silently calling for more. Whenever I say I have had enough, Christian gives Mike a look and we go through the stretch again. After a thorough workout on the table they move me over to the parallel bars, making me walk toward the mirror. I hate this the most. I hate having to watch how little strength I have. I hate seeing the sweat pouring off my body as I shuffle forward one flaccid foot at a time.

Mike reaches down and lifts my foot, placing it further forward. If I could kick him in the head I would. My right leg would be able to if my left leg could hold the weight.

“You want to kick him, do it.” Christian, the ass reads my mind.

“Get fucked.”

“Do it.” The dom has been present in the room all morning and I can feel the need to obey him in the air. No wonder he had no trouble keeping all those subs in line. Christian moves in beside Mike’s crouching body, leans over and hisses in my ear through gritted teeth. “Fucking do it.”

Just to prove a point I lean all my weight over to the left hand side, allowing my arms to do the work but I don’t kick Mike. Instead I aim it at Christian’s leg.

“Pussy.” He’s right, the kick was pathetic, so I lean back and put a little more effort into it, almost knocking over the bars as I do. He doesn’t move but the grim line of his lips tells me that I hurt him. I smile for the first time all day.

“Who’s a pussy?”

“You are.” So I lean back and give it another shot. “Fuck! Okay, okay, you’re not a pussy.”

I get my weight even and face back to the mirror when I hear his voice from behind me.

“Pansy ass prick.” I look in the mirror and see him standing directly behind me so I turn around and face him. It takes a bit of maneuvering but I manage to do it fundamentally unaided. He folds his arms and tips his head to the side with a smirk. So I push myself to walk down to where he is standing. I let go of the bars and shove his chest. It’s like hitting lead and he doesn’t move a muscle so I go again and manage to shove him backward. He steadies then flicks his fingers, calling me to have another go. Taking my weight I give him another hard shove in the chest and stagger forward myself moving out of the safety of the rails. For a moment it seems I might have it under control and then my knees buckle underneath me and I collapse to the ground.

Mike and Christian are there in an instant. I know I cried out in pain as I hit the ground but when they get me rolled over and start checking me out I can’t help but laugh.

“You’re a fucking prick, Christian Grey.” I manage to choke out between laughing breaths. He stands there perplexed as I calm myself down then reach out my hand to him. He takes it bracing himself to pull me up but I tug him off his feet and half throw him across the floor.

“Fuck!” He lands hard having had the wind knocked out of him. “You ass.” His punch connects with my shoulder but there is no malice in it. Mike stands back and lets us collapse back on the floor with laughter.

The next two weeks Christian moves everything in his busy schedule and takes over as my personal motivator. Using his dom talents to completely resist my shit, he helps Mike to push me through the pain and exhaustion until I start taking more and more of my own weight, moving a little bit more each day. At the end of that first week with him there is another shift. He uses some of his mind meld tricks on me so that I can get most of the pain under control without the large doses of medication. At my request Kate is kept out of these sessions. It’s bad enough that she has to play nurse through the evenings and nights when things get bad. I won’t have her in here playing cheerleader when I can see the pain in her eyes.

Without the nausea my libido comes back with a vengeance and so it is with great delight that I get Ana and Christian to take Kate out for the afternoon and ask Mike and Jen to move me back into the master bedroom. Once we’re done, they vacate leaving the security team outside the house under strict orders not to interrupt us. Finally, I hear Kate coming up the stairs with Zeus padding after her. She bypasses our bedroom and goes straight to the guest room.

“Elliot! Sweetheart, are you in the bathroom?” I hear her move through the room to the ensuite and then back out into the hall. She walks back through to the mezzanine and I expect her to come into the master bedroom but she bypasses the door and races back downstairs calling out for me. I wait patiently but it seems that she is doing the circuit. I hear her by the pool and before I can answer her calls she is gone again, I guess heading down to the studio. Time for action.

After a week Mike and Christian have me able to stand and walk a few steps on crutches. It isn’t much but right now it is the best gift I can give her. I grab the sticks and get myself into position hoping like hell she will come back upstairs soon. I stand at the top of the stairs listening for her when I hear the elevator open behind me. Her gasp is audible as I stagger around to face her with a big, stupid grin on my face.

“Hey, baby.” Her hand flies to her mouth and her tears start. Even pulling faces at me like this she is stunning and I psychically kick myself for treating her like such an ass for the past few weeks. Rather than say anything I start my awkward hobble toward her. It hurts but I breathe through it sending the pain out of my body, just like I have been practicing with Christian. She sobs and runs toward me so I drop the sticks as she throws herself into my arms. I have enough strength to not be thrown off balance. Just.

Her kiss is, quite frankly, the best medicine in the world as she holds my face. I know she is breathing me in cos I am doing the same, letting that sensual lilac essence stimulate my nerve endings. I hold her firmly against me, loving the way she fits against me, perfectly. Her fingers slide through my hair as she pulls her lips reluctantly away from mine and looks into my eyes. I love that color green. I see those eyes in my dreams every night like beacons for my lost soul. My love, my home.

“What is this?” She steps back a little but I can’t let her go too far. I’m not that stable yet.

“The new me, babe. New and improved.” I love the feel of my hands on the small of her back. Fuck, I’ve missed this.

“Are you alright?”

“Better than alright, but I’m gonna need your help to get back to my chair.”

“Oh.” She steps back and holds me with one hand as she picks up a crutch and hands it to me. I slide it under my armpit and then wrap my free arm around her shoulder. She starts to guide me back to the guest room but I’m never going back there if I can possibly help it. I shake my head and point to our room. She looks up at me with questioning surprise then helps me back to our room. When we get there she looks a little lost as to what to do next.

“The chair.” I prop myself up as she wheels it over. “I thought we might go for a swim.”

“I don’t know, babe. Everyone is out and if you can’t get out I won’t be able to help you.” I grab her hand and pull her into my lap nuzzling her neck as she lands. She wraps her hands around my neck.

“Katie, it’s alright. I’ve been able to get out of the pool on my own for three weeks. Now hold on tight.”

“Wait. I need to get changed.”

“Honey if you strip naked now we won’t make it to the water. Just hold on tight.” I wheel us to the elevator and push the button. Within a few minutes we are out by the pool. “Now, take it off Mrs Grey.”

“You want to skinny dip?” I nod. She looks directly at me before starting a long slow strip and I have to adjust myself as I watch her. Her hair, which has been pinned up in messy curls is the first to come down and she fluffs it out across her shoulders, her eyes not leaving mine. Next she begins the slow descent of her buttons, releasing them one at a time at a menacingly slow pace. My breathing deepens when she slides the blouse off her shoulders and tosses it over the chair. Her hands reach around behind and she slides off the pencil thin skirt, dropping it to the floor before stepping out of it. She picks it up to throw it the way of her top. Fuck me, if she isn’t wearing stockings that magically cling to her thighs. I marvel again at the technology behind women’s clothing. She lifts one staggeringly long leg up on the chair, still watching me carefully as she rolls down the silky nylon. When she lowers her foot she pushes off the stiletto and stocking in one fluid movement then repeats on the other side. My mouth is watering when she unclasps the front of her bra and her beautiful breasts sway in front of me. Last she turns to face the water. She looks over shoulder coquettishly as she bends to slide her panties down then straightens as she kicks them away. Before I can think to get out of the chair, she dives into the water and surfaces with a jump that is ball-clenchingly beautiful to see.

I shed my sweats and start my well-rehearsed slide off the chair straight into the water. After a second, everything about me rises to meet her as I grab her around the waist and pull her against my now painful erection. We don’t say a word. This is going to go one way. It will be fast but at least here in the water I will have the feeling like I am controlling the action. I kiss her, letting my tongue enjoy the taste of her. She lets me take the weight of her with the aid of the water as I pull her up level to my face. Dipping my head I lick the top of her breast and wonder why it has taken me so long to get here. Oh, yeah, cos when all you want to do is cry or vomit it is kind of hard to get your happy on. But now, with Christian’s help, my happy seems to be doing just fine.

“Touch me, please.” Her voice begs and I can’t help but think it is time to go one better. I carry her over to the side of the pool and lift her onto the side feeling like a man again for the first time in weeks. She lies back on her elbows and throws her legs open for me. The first taste is the sweetest and I let my tongue linger on her clit for a moment enjoying her soft sigh. Turning the lick into a kiss, I suck on her hardened nub until I hear her suck her breath in sharply then I move lower and thrust my tongue inside and drink in her musky juices. Her hips thrust toward me with longing and I have to hold her hips to keep us both in place. My baby is needy and I give her every ounce of my attention as I ratchet her up a few notches first with my tongue then with my fingers and mouth in perfect unison. Her sighs and moans get more air time as we both work her into a frenzy and the first shudders of her orgasm start. I press my mouth against her throbbing clit as her beautiful pussy pulses around my fingers and hold her perfectly still until she begins to come down.

Finally she looks at me and I pull her back into the water gently. She slides straight down over my hard cock sheathing me in her warmth with one fluid movement.

“Is this alright?”

“More than alright, baby. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” She smiles. I know I shouldn’t say that to her. She hates feeling the pressure of perfect. But she is. She simply is. I begin to move but it still isn’t easy to move this way. After a while she takes over, raising and lowering herself on me and building me to a quick release. She hasn’t come again but she is smiling at me with so much love in her eyes. I know it doesn’t matter. She is happy to give this to me. I am happy and honored to take her gift.

“Katie. Thank you.” Her eyes start to cloud over. Tears. Sorrow. No, I’m not having it. Not today. “Baby, stop, please. These last few weeks have been hard. Really hard. For both of us. I wish it could have been different but it wasn’t and we can’t change that. But I want you to know that I couldn’t do any of this without you. If you weren’t the reward at the end of the journey then I wouldn’t have been able to take it. I know that now. I know how monumentally stupid and fruitless it would have been to even try without you. So I fully expect you to smack me upside the head when we are relaying this story to our children and grandchildren but right now, I just need you to know that there is no me without you. There will never be a life for me without you. And even these last few weeks, I know you thought I was pulling away, keeping you at a distance but knowing that you’re here, keeping everything going, that is what kept me grounded.”

I pause for a moment. This is one of the longest speeches that she has had to endure from me for a long time. She is so quiet, not even crying. Just looking into my eyes with this intense sincerity, listening to every word. For a moment I don’t quite know what to say next.

“Say it.” Her voice is no more than whisper but fuck, it’s sexy as all hell.

“Laters, baby.”

“Again.” She giggles.

“I love you, Katie.” She rubs her nose against mine.

“I love you, Elliot.” That next kiss takes us right back where we started and I hope like hell that the security team wandering around outside doesn’t come anywhere near the pool windows for the next hour.

Fanfiction Reviews

JN-Runner 9/22/13 . chapter 26 Please update soon… Jn

Guest 9/21/13 . chapter 26 I love your story of Kate and Elliot can’t wait for an update.

Guest 9/21/13 . chapter 26 Thank you so much for the continous story of The Grey’s,I absolutely loved it.

Shellypg 9/19/13 . chapter 26 Hey Sasha, meant to review before now but time has not been in my side. Absolutely loved this chapter. We knew Elliot was contemplating giving up but his arse kicking by our favourite Dom was everything I hoped for and more. Just what he needed to wake himself up to the reality that he had to deal. Loved Kate’s reaction to her sexy surprise. Amazing how much anger and sex can heal both physical and psychological wounds. Just need him to keep it together now while Linc and co are dealt with. Looking forward to more xx

Guest 9/16/13 . chapter 26 Awwww, another amazing chapter.

koocher 9/13/13 . chapter 26 Way to go I love it you have me hook, line, and sinker. It is great to see the guys working together. Well now you can keep them sexing all the time now. LOL I was glad to see you are writing more chapters again on Going Grey. Thanks What else can I read now? Just finished Making Mia. Cheers NK thanks for accepting me on facebook

xXxAllegraxXx 9/13/13 . chapter 26 Gotta love Christian…he can kick ass like nobody else with his all powerful Dom demeanor…the way he motivates Elliot into action and helped him deal with the pain is great…if all physical therapists were Doms lots of people would put so much more effort into their recovery…I know I would… It’s so great that Elliot feels better now and is recovering faster and most of all that he is getting back on track with Kate…Nothing better to motivate someone than a Dom brother and a strong enemy he has to defend his wife from…! Linc is a crazy and dangerous motherfucker…hope he won’t get one up on them…

cwr 9/11/13 . chapter 26 I love this story! Thank you!

ash.aspey 9/11/13 . chapter 26 I have recently found your stories and I’ve fallen in love with them. So emotional so heart warming and then heart break as well. Can’t help but loving Kate and Elliott. How did mia and Ethan get to be cia agents! Poor Elliott in the accident and struggling to make his legs move. Good old fifty to motivate his brother. Looking forward to reading more. Amazing writing love it. Also loved the GQ article u did amazing.

NickJisoffmychain2828 9/10/13 . chapter 26 I’m glad he’s fighting and slowing but surely getting better! Great job as always!

glory2bee 9/9/13 . chapter 26 Elliot can take me for a swim anytime baby! :0)

1962 9/9/13 . chapter 26 Their finally home ! What else is there to say.

smills 9/9/13 . chapter 26 Love it

Girl of Steel 9/8/13 . chapter 26 As always K&E find their way. Nice chapter! Who’s this misterious guy helping Lincoln?

AmberBhave 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Way to go Elliot! So happy after reading that, and I was in such a fowl mood before. Thanks for the pick me up

TNC2005 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Yeah! Moving onto the HEA. Great chapter.

TheGrey’sFan01 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Pure Brilliance! Sasha Cameron you go lady! This chapter is rich in everything I come to expect from your work, it is rich in love, hope, strength, essence and generally just feeling. You have an amazing ability to express feelings in a way that they just jump off the page at us. Your articulation of thoughts, feelings and generally your writing style is something you should be very proud of. Take a bow Sasha you deserve it 🙂 Thank you for this yet gain amazing chapter, I can’t wait for more! TGF01 xoxoxoxox

greytosteele 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Sasha, I just caught up with this and I still just love it! I love the depth of their relationship and their strong committment to each other and their families. You’ve done a brilliant job with these backstories. Thank you.

sue2603 9/8/13 . chapter 26 I effing love you! I laughed out loud at Elliot’s first kick on Christian. I’m so glad you and Christian got him moving in the right direction in a relatively short time. I couldn’t bear him closing down on Kate x

Karen. Kaz 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Hot ! ;). He really is getting there and Kate is weigh him every stp of te way.. Lnc being out can o y mean trouble for all f them 😦

Rushmr 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Happy to see Kate and Elliott getting back on track…they really do deserve some happiness in-spite of everything that they’ve been through. Christian couldn’t have done a better job by motivating Elliott to actually put effort into recovering. Loved it…looking forward to the next post!

Chris L 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Sasha your new chapter is a great way to start the day! Thank you. Leaves me wishing I had a Kate right now.

SapphireBella 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Perfect !

Carriej56 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Aww! So good Sasha!

chellz21 9/8/13 . chapter 26 I’m so happy Elliot is getting better. Can’t wait to read more.

Spooky Mehta 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Oh wow. Love the chapter. So glad he is slowly recovering and they are on their way to HEA. It gives me hope for more. Thank you for this. It was really a great chapter. Can’t wait to see what happens in Haiti. Vip

Mommyof3gb 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Love this story!

wattle 9/8/13 . chapter 26 Fan – bloody – tastic! Love it: “psychological Mack truck ” Love what Christian did for him – it would be so damn hard to deal with this. I have always been in awe of people with spinal injuries, always wondered what it took to not give up… it would be so much easier to give up. I think you captured it perfectly. Grr to Lincoln being out. “drink in her musky juices.” musky huh? 🙂 Loved it, brilliant chapter.

Foggynights 9/8/13 . chapter 26 YES! Elliot’s back!

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