Gotta get my mind clear got nothing got nothing to lose

Gotta get my pain straight chase away them blues

Still got my thinking but its getting loud

And all these voices keep spinning round

I’m trying not to break down

–Breakdown – Alice Russell–

---

Ethan is reading out on in the alfresco, Mom and Dad must be in bed. He glances up at me as I race outside.

“Hey whats up? Did you two fight.” Concern is evident on his face as he puts his kindle down and gazes at me.

“Not exactly. Which way did he go?” Struggling to get my heels on I reach down and take a swig from his glass. Ugh, what is it with men and fucking scotch. Hardly a refreshing tropics drink. With a shrug of his shoulders, Ethan smoothly rises out of his seat.

“What happened? He stalked out of here like you guys had a big bust up and he needed to chill. I didn’t exactly see where he went but he looked very much like he needed to be alone. Perhaps you should let him”

“No, I am not sure that I should. This is about today. He isn’t coping with the aftermath of it very well. I can’t tell you everything right now but I’m worried about him. I don’t know if alone is a good thing. Will you help me find him?” He looks at me a moment then turns around to down his drink.

“Come on let’s go.” There’s a pathway to the side of the house leading out to the main road. I trust that Ethan has a vague idea of where Elliot might go. The villa is only a block away from the nearest tourist strip and it is a matter of moments before we pass an assortment of bars and restaurants. An hour later we have trawled through every bar on the strip and have started on the clubs another block over which are only just coming alive.

The first two clubs are relatively quiet and it is easy to see that Elliot isn’t there. The third one is heaving with bodies, loud music and the oppressive heat. We move through as quickly as we can but it is slow work checking in all the booths and corners. The cover charge is free on the expectation that we will buy drinks in each venue so we are alternating between the local beer and sparkling water but after the day I have had and the wine at dinner the alcohol is hitting me pretty hard.

Almost staggering into the fourth bar, we are hit by music pulsing through the room drawing our attention to the bar in the middle with bar staff demonstrating synchronized flipping of bottles behind backs and over heads. It takes only a moment to register that one of them is Elliot and it’s like watching some sort of ‘Tom Cruise in Cocktail’ routine as he coordinates his movements with one of the other barmen while a hoard of foreign tourists, mostly women, hang on their every move. Shock floods through my body at the huge sexy smile on his face, so far from the distant and drawn look he had as he left the villa. What the fuck is he doing here? Well, I know what he is doing as he shakes the cocktail cup over a glass then swivels the whole container 720 degrees before pouring the red liquid into an iced martini glass with a final flourish. OK so he has some skills but it still doesn’t explain why the hell he is here.

Elliot slides the glass across the bar to a tall leggy redhead who takes hold of the stem and beams up at him before she take a sip and licks her lips seductively. He leans across to take the tip she is offering. Just as he goes to grab it she rises up off her seat in her 5 inch heels and reaches out to grab his shirt collar. The fifty dollar bill is quickly snatched back from him and she tucks it into her substantial cleavage which she then thrusts up and offers to him amidst a cacophony of cat calls and whistles. Next thing I know he has the note between his teeth, and he throws his arms up in the air to the raucous cheer of the crowd. Fuck! You get upset so you go to a bar and get down and dirty serving over-priced drinks to horny female tourists? Not on my fucking watch asshole. My mouth drops open as she leans further into him and plants a brief but passionate tongue-thrusting kiss on his mouth. He pushes her away with a laugh, his hands raised to ward her off but I have seen enough.

Forget saving him from himself, I am fucking pissed now. Pushing Ethan out of my way I stalk towards the other end of the bar and order a tequila layback. As I wait for the hunky barman to position himself I pull up my tank top and tie it in a knot just under my breasts. The heat and the alcohol and the fact that I am royally pissed at Elliot has got to me and I pick up a glass of water from the bar and pour it over my face and breasts allowing it to cool my skin. This attracts the attention of a group of guys who look like a frat boy reunion not far from where Elliot is standing. The gorgeous barman holds a bottle of tequila and a bottle of lime over my head and I give him a wink before turning around and laying back with my head and shoulders on the bar. A roar goes up as he hovers above my head then pours straight it into my mouth. Two guys have moved in close to my side and they take my outstretched arms to pull me upright as I swallow. Placing my hands on their cheeks, I stroke their faces before walking out on to the dance floor, making sure that I am attracting enough attention for Elliot and every other single hot blooded guy in the club to notice me. Sure enough the frat boys are heading my way, looking at me like I am the sweetest damn dessert on the buffet. I know this scenario well, having played this game a thousand times. So well, in fact, that I start a mental countdown in my head as I anticipate their next move. Glancing around I see Ethan staying close. He has my back. But right now it is not him that I am hoping to draw into a fight.

A vocal chant starts up, followed by an electronic rhythm and bass track. The music is vibrating around me, through me, as I saunter on to the dance floor like a sexed-up supermodel; all hips, tits and ass swaying. Once I hit the center of the floor I raise my hands to my head and go through the process of unleashing my hair, shaking the golden waves out before raising my arms in the air (so get your hands up in the air) and starting a series of figure eights with my hips (I’ll make you hot, hot, hot). Although I am dancing on my own I can feel every eye on my body and every man visualizing their hands on my waist as I grind. It doesn’t take long for the vultures to start circling and a couple of hot looking locals make a move towards me before my frat boys push them away and surround me. For the most part they seem a little reserved but there is always one who thinks he has what it takes. This one is about 6 foot 3, dark hair and a tan. He’s all Calvin Klein underwear model, buff with his sculpted chest exposed through the opening of his white linen shirt. Across the room I can see Elliot watching on with a hard impassive look. Yeah well you’re not the only one who is pissed, Grey. I turn my back on him and keep dancing while Calvin moves in behind me and pushes his body up close. Too close.

Anticipating his touch, I feel Calvin’s hands go to my waist and I start mentally counting again to see how long it will take before Elliot makes his move. My eyes are closed and I keep my body moving suggestively. For the longest time nothing is happening except the wriggling of my but against the ridge in Calvin’s 504s and I am worried now that my plan is about to backfire. Calvin is cute but he is no Elliot.

Just get those hands back, (ah) Calvin pulls my arms back behind me and places my hands on his thighs sliding them upwards. Oh God, he is going to make me rub his crotch. No, you dont grab that, (oh). He pushes my hands up to his hips then grinds himself hard into me. Holy shit! Go on and lean back, (hey). An arm snakes around my ribs and he forces me to lean my upperbody against his chest. Gimmie mo cash!

Keeping my eyes closed I sense that one of the other frat boys has moved in front of me, sandwiching me back against Calvin and suddenly this doesn’t seem such a good idea. Hurry up, Elliot, how long are you going stand there gawking and doing nothing? TThe frat brothers are really going for it now, the new guy pushing his thigh deliberately between my legs as he holds my hips and Calvin thrusting at me from behind, his hands on my ribs. Then the swap hand positions and new guy has his hands on the sides of my breasts. My eyes fly open and Elliot’s glacial blues are blazing back at me. My hero is there, grinding into me and holding me in a man sandwich with Calvin K. I don’t want to enjoy this but it is kind of hot. The over-stimulated crowd is cheering us on, encouraging us to keep dancing. My two hunks are really moving on me, bumping, grinding and suddenly I am really nervous that Elliot might be willing to share me. Calvin’s hands are still firmly gripping my hips and he nuzzles into my neck forcing me to drop my head back on his shoulder. Elliot is pushing his pelvis into me, hitting my sex firmly with his erection with his hands grazing my aching breasts. He leans in and covers my mouth, sweeping his tongue through my mouth while Calvin continues to nuzzle at my neck, blowing gently in my ear. The other guys are clapping and cheering them on. Thankfully Elliot gives Calvin a look that makes him back off.

“Did you like that baby?” Elliot is still wrapped around me, his lips have moved to my ear. “Does the idea of two guys turn you on?”

Jesus, how do I answer that? Yes, I mean no, fuck. What does he want me to say? “Yes, that was hot and no, I don’t want to share you or be shared.” My husky response hangs in the air between us.

“Mm, well judging from that scent I would say you fucking loved it.” His voice is harsh in my ear. Oh Shit. Is he mad at me?

Next thing I know Elliot has pushed me down in a chair that one of the other frat boys has placed behind me. I am still in the middle of the dance floor but the crowd has cleared except for the frat boys and Elliot. The music changes to an updated hip hop version of Its Raining Men. Elliot places his hands on my hot flushed cheeks as the frat boys stalk around us in a seemingly random pattern to the music. What the hell is this? Every now and then one of them drapes a hand across my shoulders or touches my hair or turns to push a pelvis or a butt cheek into me. All the while Elliot stands there, moving his hips, legs apart, arms outstretched to hold my face, letting them grope me. Then they all line up in a v formation in front of me with Calvin in the front, Elliot to his right and three others all of equal good looks and similar build. Every Specimen! Tall, blonde, dark and lean Rough and tough and strong and mean. Calvin counts them in.

“5,6,7,8” And then they start to move accenting every faux thunder clap in the music. A chasse to the left in synchronisation followed quickly by a swivel and some body popping. Facing away from me, they all place their hands on their butts then swipe their arms sharply out before shaking their asses rapidly. They turn back to the front and move into a semi circle around me crumping with pelvic and chest thrusts into my face. By this time my jaw has dropped to the floor. The routine is slick and polished and I can’t take my eyes off my man who in the midst of all this grinding testosterone is all serious, sultry and pouty and goddam sexy as hell. They drag step away from me and the group rotates so that Elliot faces me and while the others continue to dance for everyone else, his eyes stay firmly locked on me. They’re all hip hop and body popping with a whole heap of hip roll, crotch grabs and pelvic thrusts and then they break and head to various points of the floor to crump and thrust at any available woman who is daring enough to face them. The lines are about three or four deep.

I bite my lip watching Elliot head for the bar, directly away from me while the others entice eager women around the edge of the dance floor and begin gyrating with them. If I had been paying attention would have seen money being tucked into various gaps in their clothing but I am still too focused on my boyfriend. Elliot turns suddenly to face me, whips his shirt over his head and comes sliding across the floor to me on his knees. He stops at my feet and lays back on the floor before shimmying up and jumping from his knees to his feet. The crowd is cheering and clapping and I now I notice women planting kisses and notes on the other frat boys. Elliot moves around the outside of my chair then stops and straddles my lap. His pelvis is grinding into my face and I can’t resist reaching up to grab his hips. Then he half lies over me, propping his arms on the chair and he starts to do a series of press ups on me that must look like he is humping me.

His moves are so practiced and sensual it takes my breath away. This is my man and he is part of some exotic dance team? How the hell did I not know this? To my left Ethan is laughing at me and my eyes feel like they must be popping out of my head. Elliot’s six pack abs are tight and toned and slick with sweat. I rub my hands up his stomach and I know I’m wet with longing for him. Of course as I glance around the room I realize that I am probably not the only one creaming themselves over his moves. He looks at me all sexy with his serious pout. Shit this is seriously fucking hot.

Elliot keeps grinding and humping a little longer then turns to wiggle his sweetly toned tush into my face for a few bars before turning and flicking open the button to his jeans. He takes my hand and slides it down the inside of his thighs then back up and he bucks against my hand as it reaches his crotch. What surprises me is that he isn’t really hard. How can he not be hard when I am squirming in my chair? Is that part of their training. Resisting erect! Then the boys all join him in the middle of the floor again in formation as they perform a final sequence of moves guaranteed to tempt the panties off any hot blooded woman and they all finish by dropping their jeans to the floor revealing, of all things, matching form fitting Calvin Klein boxer briefs.

The crowd goes wild as they pull their jeans back on. They are all slapping each other on the back but Elliot walks straight over to me and pulls me up into a searing tongue thrashing kiss and this time he is rock hard by the end of it.

“Enjoy the show baby.” His eyes are glistening with humor.

“What the hell was that?” I demand, I don’t know whether to laugh or be pissed at him. Ethan comes over and joins us.

“Bro that was amazing. I watched those women and they got so hot under the collar while you were doing that. Thanks for getting the room ready for the rest of us mere mortals to get some action.” He is laughing but looking around to see if he can get lucky. I don’t think that my brother needs any assistance picking up women but I can see what he means. The women here are extremely open now to any and all approaches. “I’ll see you guys back at the villa. You good baby girl?” He looks directly at me and I nod. Big brother first, stud second. He looks directly at Elliot, “You break her heart and I’ll have to break your arms man, no matter how cool you are. Laters.” His words to Elliot hold as much promise as threat and his protectiveness surprises me. He moves off to join Calvin and the boys.

“I want to get you home, baby.” Elliot whispers into my ear. “Watching you on the dance floor made me want to fuck you hard.”

“I thought we didn’t fuck and I am not sure I have forgiven you for cocktail chick. You have some explaining to do.” I dig a manicured finger into his still naked chest. It scratches him slightly and leaves a mark on his otherwise perfect skin. Then I look from Calvin to him and have an epiphany. OMG he manscapes! How did I not notice this before? He walks over to pick up his shirt and puts it back on then wraps an arm around me. We stop at a table outside the bar windows and perch on the tall chairs. A waitress comes over with a flirtatious smile for Elliot and deposits two glasses of beer in front of us. He ignores her and I want to scratch her eyes out. Mine, bitch, all mine.

“Now talk Grey. What the hell was that?” I pin him with my stare giving him no wriggle room.

He takes a long swallow of his drink then places his glass on the table. He looks at me as if he is considering where to start and then speaks. “You wanted to know about Sirens. Well, you’ve just seen what my involvement at Sirens was all about.”

“What? You were a male stripper?” Fuck. That means he worked at Eros. How many women do I know have been to Eros for a girls night out? How many of my friends have seen Elliot up close and personal. Why the hell have I never been there? “Why? When?”

“Calm down. When we were younger Christian got into trouble. He was 17 about to go off to college and I was 19 still in an apprenticeship. Christian used to get in a lot of fights, he was a really angry kid from the time he hit puberty and then suddenly about the time he turned 15 he started to turn a corner you know, like he really started to pull himself together with school and everything. For a couple of years there were no fights then one day I get a call and he is in trouble. The kind of trouble that requires a large sum of money. We couldn’t call Mom and Dad, by this stage they were kind of over our shit, you know. So I had to find a way to get a lot of cash. A guy I knew worked in Sirens as a waiter. He got me the job and it paid well. All I had to do was dance.”

“So you became an exotic dancer. And the guys in there?”

“My original crew. We still do the odd show for fun or charity but we really gave it up a few years back.”

“When the business grew?” He nods. “So why are they here? In Barbados?”

“They knew I was coming down here. That’s the crew that have been working in Haiti. When they heard we were going to be here they decided it would be fun to have their holiday in Barbados. You’re not angry are you?”

I laugh. “With them, no. You, I’m not sure.” He looks crestfallen. “It’s okay. I’m not really mad, stunned, surprised, completely knocked out at your amazing moves but not mad. I was more worried about why you left the villa.”

He runs his hand through his hair. “Shit, Kate, I don’t know. These last few days just feel like a fucking emotional overload. I needed to get away. Blow off some steam with the boys. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

I’m kind of hurt that he couldn’t blow off steam with me. “Why didn’t you just tell me they were here? We don’t have to live in each others pockets. I would have understood.” Would you really Kate?

“I was going to. I had it all set that I would show you tonight and tell you about Sirens. Hell, I even came down here last night to meet them and run the routine. Its just, today was so…”

My hand closes over his. “It’s okay. Neither of us expected what happened today. So Ethan was right, he did see you last night.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I lied. I wanted it to be a surprise. You seemed so fucking worried about Sirens and I wanted to show you this so you would understand. At least I hoped you would.”

“Mmm…understand is not really what springs to mind. My boyfriend was a male stripper…” I catch the look of dismay on his face, “…sorry, exotic dancer. That’s some heavy shit, Grey. And women, they have always thrown themselves at you like that when you dance? Like Miss Red in there?”

He nods, “Yeah, pretty much. But that is what I was trying to tell you, baby. Fuck, we would get women in there from all walks of life and I won’t lie to you and say I didn’t score. But I turned down more than I ever took up. When the daughters and wives of my parents friends started to show up it was a double bind. They would proposition me and generally I would say no. But then they would tell everyone that they slept with me and I couldn’t deny it or they would let the world know what I was doing with my nights. I didn’t want Mom and Dad to know. It was easier just to back up the lie than to tell the truth and risk my folks finding out.”

“The stories of your sexual success are greatly exaggerated huh?” I smile.

“Well, yeah. Like I told you, I’m no saint but…”

“I get it. But did you say wives?”

“Yeah, fucked up, huh?”

“Yeah, I reckon.”

Just then the other guys wander out to join us. Calvin is the obvious leader and he smiles as he deposits two more drinks in front of us.

“James, this is my girlfriend, Kate. Kate this is James, my business partner, Mike, TJ, and Will.” I shake hands with them all as they take a seat around the table. They are so friendly and they all lean in to kiss my cheek as they shake hands. They are all hot with great bodies and getting a lot of attention from inside the bar that they ignore. I can feel envious eyes on me as the women inside the bar look on. Miss Red wanders over and wraps her arm around Elliot’s shoulder. He greets her with a smile.

“Stella, this is my girlfriend Kate.” In contrast to what I saw inside the bar earlier their body language now says that they really are just friends. There is a complete absence of sexual tension which is great. I won’t have to challenge her to a bitch-slapping fight or yell at Elliot about predatory ex-girlfriends. My heart is jumping for joy.

“Girlfriend?” She gives a wide, open smile that reaches her eyes. “Since when do you do girlfriend? I thought you were gay.” The guys all laugh with her, completely relaxed. He picks up my hand and holds it. She reaches over to take my hand. “It’s really nice to finally meet you Kate.”

“She’s mine. And I am very definitely hers.” Elliot doesn’t take his eyes off me placing a very gentle kiss on my hand that nets a whoop from the boys at the table as Stella grins at us. I don’t take my eyes off his and he bends in for a chaste kiss on the lips. He is branding me for these people. I understand this and I want the same. Mine.

“Come on Stella, come dance with me.” TJ grabs her hand and pulls her inside She glances back but Elliot still hasn’t stopped looking at me. She gives me a conspiratorial wink.

“Nice to meet you, Kate.” TJ wraps an arm around her and they laugh as they walk back into the club.

“She’s nice. I like her. Is she TJ’s girlfriend?” A look passes between the boys.

“No, she’s more a team mascot,” James replies. What the hell does that mean?

“Guys, I am going to take this beautiful lady home. Thanks for the dance.” Elliot throws out to them without looking.

“Sure thing Elliot, will we catch you guys around tomorrow?” Mike asks. “We’re heading over to Haiti the day after to get started on that shipment from Atlanta so we won’t be around after that. Liana wondered if you were going to come over and see the kids.” This comment has me wondering.

“No promises guys. We might not surface too early tomorrow.” Elliot says and the table lets out a lecherous groan. “Laters, guys.” In that moment I see what these men mean to him. They are special in his life, good friends who have his back and have shared his dreams.

“Laters.” I call out as we walk off down the road. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and gazes down at me, giving me a quick peck before we pick up the pace and head back to the villa.

The lovemaking for the rest of the night is inventive and passionate. He is everything I have ever wanted and never knew how to wish for. He attends to my needs like they are his own and we fly over and over until the light starts to seep into our room. As the dawn starts to break we fall asleep in each others arms completely sated and my love replete. My dreams are full of hot male bodies which makes for an interesting late morning start.

When I wake up Elliot is standing on the balcony talking on the phone.

“Jesus, is Gail okay?…Fuck, what was she thinking…No, of course…Ana is coming back in tonight?…Yeah, look things will probably be fine…Disappeared…fuck…no, I don’t know. Look, I’m sure he is pretty bloody shaken by it but if he and Ana had a great time in Georgia, like you say, then perhaps this won’t be such a big deal…Yeah, well, I’m more worried about Gail. What a shitty fucking thing to have to go through…Look after her man. And give her my love… Sure call if you need anything.”

Elliot turns to see me standing in the doorway.

“What is it?”

“One of Christian’s ex-subs tried to kill herself in his apartment yesterday.”