Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again, Don’t make me change my mind
Or I won’t live to see another day, I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find
Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade
Seattle, May 26, 2011
Three hours of complete tedium punctuated by two great speeches. I fucking hate graduations. Kate gave the valedictory speech and she was amazing, but she always is. What I hadn’t expected was Christian Grey. His speech was one of those deeply moving ones that have the girls squirming in their seats, as he endeavours to save the world one starving child at a time. Call me a cynic but while I don’t question his altruism, I swear the collective creaming of the female student body and their mothers was a little overpowering in a crowded auditorium. Got to hand it to the guy, he knows his target audience.
Mom and Dad picked me up from the airport this morning but this is the first time today that I have seen Kate. She’s got that radiant glow that can only be because of some guy. I thought I might get an introduction but he couldn’t make it. I don’t like the guy already. Instead, I am given the job of babysitting Ana Steele. Don’t get me wrong, Ana is hot and all, but I just left my wife half way around the world with a newly fucked glow that has my head well and truly out of the game. At a professional level, I study Ana. She doesn’t know how may guys have been watching her. Total opposite to Mia in that respect, who makes sure that every guy is watching her. That’s what makes her a powerful weapon in the field. She pulls focus. I glance down at my hand already missing the sensation of my wedding ring and wonder what she is doing right now.
Copenhagen, May 22, 2011
“Babe, we’ve landed.” She sleeps soundly on my shoulder. I can never sleep on planes. Customs is quick and and at this hour of the morning, check in at the hotel is quicker. She looks nervous and I have to admit so am I. But it’s 1am and we need to sleep, so when we get upstairs I slide into the bed behind her with a promise to hold her until she doses off.
The next day we head straight into the city centre. As we go through the formalities of booking our wedding, I am able to show off my limited but functional command of Danish. For once, Mia has to trust that I am not selling her into white slavery or promising our first born to the church. It goes pretty well, although at one point I almost ended up with a dog licence.
“Well, Miss Grey. We have an empty afternoon ahead of us. What would you like to do?” Taking her hand in mine and lacing our fingers together feels so good that I can’t resist bringing her hand up to my mouth for a kiss. She smiles.
“Eat. I’m famished.” She’s not fooling me. She’s nervous and this is a diversion. I can live with that. There is no need to rush. We find a small cafe and eat a leisurely meal, drinking crisp white wine and reminiscing over college.
“Are you going to tell me what really happened to make you leave?”
For weeks, I’ve been wondering how much to tell her. I lean over the table and take both her hands. “They put me into that project. I thought it was just a psyche department research team but it was them. They were evaluating me. Turns out that someone had decided we were too serious about each other and they wanted me out of the way. Guess they never expected that I would be of any use to them.”
For the next hour, I rehash what happened. Getting picked up outside my dorm, blindfolded and taken to a secure location. Having questions thrown at me for hours, about her family, my family, what had she told me about her work, what was the nature of our relationship. We’d known that we were being watched so we had no illusions that even if the college board didn’t know about us, the agency would. We’d seen the guys who didn’t quite fit in, watching us around the quad, in the library. They didn’t like that I knew about the agency. But knowing about them and knowing details of Mia’s involvement were two different things. It wasn’t enough to take the word of a kid that he would keep his mouth shut. They had to threaten me. I was ready to throw myself on the sword for her. Dad would have got me into some other program. But they had to threaten her, and that was a step too far. She’d been through enough shit already. She didn’t need to lose her scholarship. Of course, that was before I understood just how much they owned her. She was agent and asset rolled into one. She was CIA fucking gold and I was expendable. So I had to walk away. For her future and her safety.
“Jesus. I’m so sorry, Ethan. I had no idea. What gave them the right to do that? It was our lives!” I can see how upset she is by this but I accepted long ago that it was pointless. They got me by the balls when they moved me to VSU. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for most of my adult life. Just waiting for the chance to get back to her. But she still sees the agency through rose-tinted glasses. They saved her. I hate being the guy to bring her dreams crashing down around her.
“Christ, Mia. How old were you the first time you hacked into their system? Thirteen? Fourteen? They had you in their sights the second they traced your IP back to Seattle. Everything else is just detail. You gave them absolute rights the moment you agreed to that scholarship.”
“I’d been hacking into the Pentagon for shits and kicks since I was twelve. I was fifteen years old when the agency offered me that scholarship! How was I supposed to know I was signing my life away? How is that even legal?”
None of it was legal. They should have thrown her ass in jail and fined her parents. None of that happened. They saw an opportunity and took it.
” Yeah, well, you’ve got Elena to thank for that. She signed off on your forms and made it legal. Of course, if your Dad had known what she was up to he could have fought it in court and won but you never told your parents what you were doing. Was that your idea or theirs?”
She looks sheepish. “Mine. I tried to talk to Mom and Dad about college but Dad kept saying I was too young. He had me on such a tight fucking leash that when the scholarship offer came it was like the answer to my prayers. I was bored out of my tree at school. Every day Mom and Dad thought I was going off to high school and I guess the agency must have primed someone from the school to cover for me. How did they get Elena to cooperate?”
“You really want to know?” She nods and I consider not saying this but then so much water has gone under this particular bridge. “I can’t prove it but I suspect it has to do with those underage sex charges never being laid.”
“Fuck! Between me and Christian there has to be gross negligence case brought against them or breach of ethics or something.” I don’t want to remind her that they had me by the short and curlies when they said they would charge me with statutory rape. My word against theirs.
“What? And bite the hand that feeds? Come on babe. You know how they work. Which brings me to the part of this that you are not going to like.”
There is that feisty Grey spirit staring at me from behind her eyes and I know this is going to be a hard sell. “This change of plans means that when we get back State-side we are going to have to keep our marriage a secret. Even our handler can’t be told.” She pulls her hand out from mine. I think she is going to fight me on this but then she just looks at her engagement ring sadly.
“So we only have these next few days together?”
“Hey, it’s not like we won’t see each other back in Seattle and I will find a way to be with you, whenever I can.”
She is very still and just for a moment I think she is going to tell me and the agency where we can stick our arrangements. Then she tilts her head to one side and smiles at me. “Well, Mr Kavanagh. If we only have now, we better make the most of it, don’t you think?”
Seattle May 26, 2011
“Well done, sis. You were awesome.” As much as she irritates the crap out of me, I love my baby sister. Besides Mia, she is the one other woman in the world that really gets me. Mom thinks she does but I just humour her.
“Come on, Mom and Dad are outside talking to the Michaelsons. They’re waiting to go to the marquee with you. I think they want a Kavanagh entrance.” I roll my eyes and Kate laughs following me to the tent. Our folks are so incredibly proud of Kate, and I get it. After all, they never got to see me graduate, certainly not from VSU. My Dad thinks I’m stalling trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and I am happy to keep feeding that illusion. For now. Kate seems preoccupied so I glance around to see what she is looking at. Ana is standing with her step-dad, Ray. A little way from them I see Christian Grey talking with some university bigwig. I know this is an opportunity to meet the man himself but I have to play it cool. I’ll get to meet him eventually.
“Hey, do you see Ana over there.” Kate points her out like I haven’t noticed her staring in their direction for the last five minutes.
“Oh yeah, wow, she looks great.” Best not to show too much interest. Kate would jump all over that shit.
“Look, she and Ray seem a bit lost and I have to go and talk to the VC. Could you go over and say hi? Just look after them until I can get there? Please, Ethan.” Something is up. If I know my sister, and I do, she wants me to go run interference with Christian Grey. Well, I suppose it serves a purpose. I get to observe him with Ana and if he loves her, I’m fucked. And when he finds out I’m married to Mia, I’m doubly fucked.
“OK, but you owe me one Kate. Be quick.” I give her a quick kiss on the cheek and move off toward them. Christian is staring daggers over my shoulder at Kate and I almost miss her little wave. What the hell are you up to Kate? She walks over and joins Christian and I can tell that they are talking about me. It’s unsettling.
“Ana, hey, how are you?” Ana gives me a sweet smile and embraces me. We catch up for a while before Kate finally brings Christian over to join us. Christian Grey is tack-spitting mad and I am pretty sure it is directed at me. He seriously thinks I am interested in his woman and I have to admit, baiting him is good sport. It takes the edge off missing my wife.
“Hello, Ray.” Kate makes Ray blush with a little kiss to the cheek. Then that evil spark appears in her eye. “Have you met Ana’s boyfriend? Christian Grey.” Act surprised, Kavanagh, you’re not meant to know. I’m pretty sure Christian would burst a valve if he knew that agents have been tracking their every move since they met. Kate got that interview with Grey because of the agency. They thought she might be able to find something out and I could tap her for information. I wasn’t happy about duping her but it was all in a good cause, right? Besides, how much could she really get out of one interview? Then she got sick and Ana had to step in. I’d like to say that we were unaware of what happened in his office that day but we’ve got ears in some local artist’s work that he has displayed on his wall. Of course, if the Feds knew we were illegally bugging someone like Christian Grey then heads would roll. Post 9/11 allows for a lot of evils in the name of national security.
I watch Christian in action, charming Ray, giving me and Kate the evil eye and that possessive look that he gives Ana is bordering on creepy. I know from his file he has the potential to be all kinds of crazy but I have to say that although he is very controlled and controlling, I don’t sense an actual threat. In fact, given enough time, I think I might actually like the guy. However, since he is likely to want to string me up by the balls when he discovers my relationship with Mia, I think I should steer clear of pissing him off completely. So I’m only going give him a little bit of competition.
“And this is my brother, Ethan Kavanagh,” I still have my arm around Ana and by the look on his face I don’t think I’m willing to hand back his new shiny toy. For a start, Ana is a nice girl and she deserves better than to be someone’s contractual obligation. I smile at him and he smiles back in that way that says ‘let the pissing contest begin’.
“Ana, baby.” Beside me, Ana’s whole demeanour shifts. Wow, I have seen this in criminal and combat situations but never in a romantic relationship. It is quite something. I’d love to see more but then Kate drags me away.
“What the fuck was that?” Maybe Kate can tell me more.
“You just met Christian Grey, the dominant.” I laugh but after experiencing that first hand, I’m wondering if Ana might need protection.
Copenhagen, May 10, 2011
Nerves set in as soon as we close the door to our suite. I want this to be special for her but just for a moment I am at a loss as to how to begin. Shaking in the middle of the room is going to get us nowhere, she needs to relax, so I move to the bathroom and turn on the taps. The concierge has arranged, as per my request, candles, champagne, rose petals and bubble bath. I pour some wine and take her a glass.
“Here’s mud in your eye.” She lifts her glass and throws back the contents in one hit.
“Could you work with me here, Mia? I am trying to be romantic.” She looks at me through the glass and then giggles.
“I’m sorry. Now that we’re here, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.” Just keep handing me lines babe.
“You have had the talk with your mother right? I mean we aren’t talking mechanics here are we cos I can draw you some diagrams…” She giggles and throws her arms around my neck.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
“Now you’re talking, Miss Grey.” Her lips part as I move in. She’s so soft, so beautiful. Her tongue snakes out and licks my lips so I bite gently down and she moans. I take my time, allowing her to learn me again. It isn’t like we didn’t kiss in college. A lot! But this has an outcome attached to it. I figure it’s worth taking our time.
“Come on. Let’s take a bath.” I take her hand and lead her to the edge of the tub. Slowly, I undo her blouse while she unbuttons my shirt. We strip each other silently and in perfect synchronisation, the process of mirroring my movements is lending her a little more confidence. When we are both completely naked I touch her breasts, feeling their fullness, while her small hands outline my chest muscles. With an evil giggle she tweaks my nipples.
“Ow! Right that does it.” Ignoring her squeals, I pick her up and dump her in the bath making one hell of a mess of the floor. She dunks under the water and comes up with a mouthful that she sprays out over me like a fountain spurt making me jump back. “Shit! That’s it. Move over, minx. I’m coming in.”
Once I’m in the bathtub I sense her nerves ratcheting up again. “Babe, just relax. Come here.” I pull her back so that she is sitting between my legs and I wrap my arms around her.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”
“You’re nervous because this is important. Do you think I’m not nervous too?” I keep holding her close and gently rubbing her arms. My mouth is close to her ear trying to distract her by turning her on.
“Yeah, but you’re not a virgin.” And there’s the elephant in the room.
“How do you know?” She tries to sit up to try and look at me but I hold her in place. “I’m not. And I’m sorry that I’m not. I would have loved you to be the first but I wasn’t a virgin when we met, you know that.”
“Oh, yeah, Jacinta, the airhead. I remember that bitch.” Women and grudges.
“Hated her then, hate her now. Do we have to have her in the bath tub with us?”
“No threesomes, then. Damn.”
“You are kidding?”
“Absolutely. I won’t share you with anyone. These are mine.” I stroke my soapy hands over her luscious tits.
“But you’ve slept with women in the last six years?” I hear the uncertainty in her voice. I really wish I could say otherwise but there was a time when I tried to screw away the memory of her. Needless to say, it didn’t work.
“Yeah, there have been a few women and some men.”
“Kidding!” She smacks my shoulder.
“Don’t even joke.” I can’t help myself. She makes me laugh. “Now answer my question.”
“Yes, I have slept with other women in the past six years. I am sorry. Not as many as you might imagine and certainly not as many as my file implies – and yes, I know you have been studying it.” Once more she gives me that look over her shoulder and I shrug. “And no, we will not have them in this bath tub, either. Okay?”
She huffs as she sits back and I return to her nipples. Eventually, she relaxes. “Okay. Do you love me?”
“I never stopped. Yes, I love you. Do you love me?”
“Yes.” Just a whisper. “I love you, Ethan Kavanagh, with all of my heart and soul. Forever.”
“Good. Now turn around.” She moves away from me and turns around. I pull her in until she is straddling me, her eyes widening when she feels exactly how much I want her. “I need to kiss you again.”
Once more our mouths move over each other and we don’t stop at the lips. Kissing every part of her skin I can reach without swallowing soapy bubbles has her relaxing her body into mine. She starts to grind against me and I swear there is enough pent up frustration that she could make me blow just by kissing. I move her back slightly and slip my fingers inside her. Even through the water I can feel her natural moisture.
“You, princess, are so fucking wet. You want to come, don’t you, baby?” Her head is thrown back so I lean in and lick her neck. “That’s it, baby, let me help you. Fuck my fingers, Mia.”
“Ethan, I…oh, God, that feels so good.” She is pumping up and down on my hand and I know she is near. I latch on to her nipples and suck hard enough to tip her over the edge. She cries out her pleasure which sounds so fucking amazing and then she relaxes herself against me. “You’re still hard.”
“You’re not finished.” I flick her clit again and she writhes with a gasp. “See.”
“What do I do?”
I stand up and step out of the bath tub. After drying myself off, I help her out and wrap her in a towel. When she’s dry I pick her up and carry her through to the bedroom. She looks so fucking beautiful laid out on the bed but she’s nervous again. I move around the room refilling our glasses and carry them back to the bed.
“To us.” We touch glasses and sip. Before she can think too much, I remove her glass from her hand and place it beside the bed. Taking another mouthful, I move in and kiss her again, sharing the bubbly liquid into her open mouth. The wine does its trick and she totally relaxes into the kiss. I take another mouthful and lave her nipples. She gasps in response. The third, I drop into her belly button and she wriggles her hips as I drink out of her cup.
“You’re so fucking sexy, baby.” My fourth mouthful is shared with her pussy as I secure my lips over her clit. She groans as the bubbles tickle her sensitive lips. So sensitive that it only takes a few carefully timed licks of that sensitive nub to tip her over the edge again.
Before she can come down off that high I move over her, cock in hand and place myself at her entrance. I kiss her on the mouth again and just about lose it when she licks her lips, enjoying the taste of her own juices.
“Are you still okay with this?” I’m stroking at her entrance and she’s still writhing with her release, so it probably isn’t a fair question but what can I say. It seems only polite to ask.
“Yes, yes. Please, Ethan, if you don’t fuck me, I’m going to hurt you.”
I chuckle. “I’m going to be…” I thrust in firmly and she yelps, “…fast.”
Holding still so she can get used to the size of me inside her, I look into her eyes. They’re squeezed shut but when I don’t move she opens up to check what’s happening.
“Hi.” I smile at her.
“Hi.” She smiles back.
“You okay?” She nods, then pulls my face down to hers and kisses me.
“Now move. Please.”
I slowly pull out, sliding through her slick heat, and then push back in. Her hips rise up to meet me. Slowly, slowly, we find our rhythm and I build her up again. Part of me is finding this whole experience surreal. I’ve dreamed of being with her for so long that I can’t quite believe it. The rest of me is so invested in loving Mia and making this perfect her that I’m watching every expression on her face, feeling every pulse of her blood. I thought I loved her before, but this…this is the purest expression of love.
I feel the moment she starts to squeeze around me, her pussy pulsing with her release and pulling my own orgasm from me. I’ve tried to be an attentive lover over the years, but I’ve never experienced anything like this. When I come, I’m calling out her name over and over drowning out her cries. Finally, I collapse over her, my head nuzzled in her neck, unable to move. When I feel the tears forming in my eyes, I know I’m totally whipped.
A/N: Welcome to a 2016 revised chapter. Thank you for reading and please review.
There are not many changes in the Seattle sections. However, the Denmark sections have a couple of significant changes. The first conversation has Ethan outlining just how scary the interaction with the CIA was. It wasn’t just a conversation over coffee and so he was suitably scared for himself and for her. It motivates him to follow her career.
In the second Denmark section, Mia loses her virginity. In the original version Mia lost her virginity in the bath tub which I liked when I wrote it but then the mechanics troubled me. If you’ve ever fucked in water you’d know how much of a challenge that is for lubrication. So what seemed pretty sexy was probably one of the more painful ways she could have experienced her first time. BTW – I apologise if you don’t like the f word, it’s one of my favourites and Ethan’s too. 🙂