IE Ch 14: Breathe

A smooth peaceful pace

Is running through my veins

I want you near

Let the rhythm take hold of you

Your mind becomes clear

Just breathe

Closing the door on Elliot, I take a deep breath. I’ve run the gamut of emotions in the past twenty four hours and quite frankly I’m exhausted. I’m intent on plunging myself into the vortex of doom and he is just as intent on pulling me out. Repeatedly. Why would he do that? I don’t get it. What’s more, he keeps throwing the ‘L’ word around like it’s the most normal thing on earth. I’m sure he believes it but I just don’t trust it? Normal people just don’t fall in love at first sight. It isn’t possible. And even if it is, surely if this thing can ignite so fast and bright then it can self destruct just as quickly.

Hours later, I find myself still brooding about this when Ana arrives home. One look tells me that she has done ‘it’. How do I know? She’s exhausted but happy like a woman who has been soundly fucked. I should know, it’s the look I see every time I glance in the mirror. But when I try to get the dirt she won’t dish. Yet another way that she and I differ. Or at least I would have said so in the past but now…? Somehow, Elliot is different, together we’re different. I find I don’t have much to say either.

In the past, I would most likely have worn my heart on my sleeve and we would have laughed over every grubby detail of my failed sex life. Now, in what I can only term a first for Kate Kavanagh, I hesitate to divulge anything. Instead of getting pissed when Ana refuses to answer my questions, I find I respect her for not giving away too many details. I ask them anyway, because that’s what I do. I ask them not because I want to know but because I want her to think about her answers. I want her to be fully self-aware. I want her to ask questions of herself.

Later, as we pack boxes of kitchen equipment in silence, I turn over our conversation and examine it from all sides, trying to understand why I didn’t share more. My motives are unsettling. I was prepared to discuss the wild sex but there is no way that I would tell her I’m falling in love. Given my track record, she would never believe me. Even when she asks me about leaving him behind to go to Barbados, I don’t give anything away. I’m not sure I’m ready to explain why my boyfriend of two days is suddenly accompanying my family on a two week holiday. There also might be some merit in telling them first.

In the late evening Elliot phones as promised and I hustle back to my room to take his call, leaving Ana to keep packing the kitchen.

“Hi, baby.” He sounds tired and my guilt kicks in. I kept him up all night even though I knew he had to drive back to Seattle and work early in the morning.

“Hi. How was the trip?”

“Long and boring. I wish you could’ve come back with me.” I smile. Even after our fight he wanted to be with me. Glutton for punishment.

“I miss you.” There is silence. Oh fuck, too soon?

“I miss you too, baby.” I can hear the smile in his voice and I relax picking up a stuffed toy and throwing it into a cardboard box. When I look at the collection still on my bed, I feel ill. When did I become one of those chicks with a thousand stuffed toys and pillows? Oh, that shit has to change. “What are you doing?”

His question cuts into my reverie. I pick up another offending bear and throw it in alongside its mates. To the charity shop you go, my little friends. No, don’t look at me like that. I fold the lid of the box down in disgust.

“Packing my room. I had no idea I had so much stuff.” My back is aching from bending over boxes all afternoon so I go and lay down on my bed. God, I hope Ana isn’t pissed at me for just walking out and leaving her. I can hear her singing, which means she has her iPod firmly in her ears.

“Sounds like fun. Not.” He laughs that deep resonating sexy laugh that rocks me at my core. Even via phone he can get me hot.

“Yeah, well, I notice that you managed to leave without helping me. Perhaps you didn’t have to go back to work. I think that you were just avoiding my shit.” I tease.

“Sweetheart, you found me out. What are you wearing? Have you found your underwear?” The change of temperature startles me. His voice has gone husky. Exactly where are we heading with this?

“Why, Mr Grey, is this your attempt at seduction? And by the way, I was wearing a perfectly good pair of underwear. However, now, I’m not sure I have any on at all.” There take that, Elliot Grey.

“Oh, baby. Don’t you think you better check? There are parts of you that might chafe without suitable coverage.” Is that hope I hear in your voice? You naughty man.

“If there’s any chafing, it’s due to overuse on your part, not due to any lack of underwear.” I laugh but actually, I’m still a little sore from the past 24 hours. I give him about 20 seconds to turn that soreness into tingling with anticipation.

“I think you better have a good inspection. I’ll just hold on here so you can report back straight away.” Oh. My. God. Are we really going to do this? I’ve never had phone sex before. Can I do this with Ana in the next room? A quick check. She’s still singing. Hell, yes!

“Okay, Mr Grey. I’m unzipping my jeans now and feeling around down there. There is definitely something there but I might need to have a closer inspection. Shall I lie down? I find most inspections in this region go better if I lie down.” My voice is a low whisper. Am I even doing this right? Oh well, in for a penny Kate.

“Katie, I really think you should be lying down but to thoroughly inspect you will have to take those jeans off. They’ll only get in the way of the UIP.”

“UIP?”

“Underpants Identification Process.” I slap my hand on my forehead and giggle. He sounds amused but a little rough. As if he isn’t quite breathing properly.

“I feel very self conscious about this, Mr Grey. I wonder if you could put me at ease by joining me at your end. Take off your jeans and lie down, too, then I’ll feel more confident that I’ll be able to make the appropriate undie identification.” I giggle again. God, I’m turning into the vapid airheads that I went to school with. So unsexy, Kavanagh.

“God, your giggle is so fucking sexy, Katie.” Or, maybe not. “I’m already assuming the position, Miss Kavanagh.” I wonder?

“Could you describe the position exactly, please, Mr Grey? It would make it much easier for me to do my job.” Please, please, please.

“Well, Miss Kavanagh. I am lying in a prone position and my hand is checking in the region of my boxer shorts. There seems to be a swelling that I might have to deal with. I may be having some sort of reaction to your vocal proximity and my visualizations of you. Could it be that I’m allergic, do you think?” I laugh. While he is talking I remove my panties and pull the covers up. I just don’t feel brave enough to do this without a barrier to my own imagination.

“Oh, Mr Grey. Let’s see what we can do about that in a moment. Now I have checked thoroughly and it appears that you were correct. There are, in fact, no panties covering my parts, Mr Grey. And I do have an overwhelming desire to do some… chafing.” My voice is a breathy whisper. Please don’t let Ana knock on my door.

“God, Katie, hang on, let me join you.” And I hear him scramble as I imagine he is stripping off. “Now where were we. I am worried that you may have a lubrication issue Miss Kavanagh. Perhaps you should check this for me.” Then his voice changes. “Slide your hand down Kate, touch yourself baby.”

I instantly obey his voice. “I will if you will,” I whisper.

“I am baby. You’ve made me so fucking hard. Describe it for me, baby. Tell me what you’re doing.” His voice is so husky and sexy and I could almost come at the sound of it.

“Your voice makes me wet. I’m so close just hearing you.”

“So close to what, babe?”

“…Coming. My fingers are sliding through the wet folds and I’m thinking about what it feels like when you do this. When you are inside me.” I gasp. My body is reacting to my own words and I writhe. “Now tell me,” I whisper.

“Oh baby. The sound of your voice makes me so very hard. There was a little bead of moisture on the head of my cock that I have used to lube it and now I am stroking down the length. Is there anything that you want me to do baby? Can I do anything to make it better for you.” No, yes, I mean. Oh God, this is so hot and humiliating at the same time. I don’t usually masturbate but I would do anything for this man, right now.

“Can you hold your balls with your other hand? They are probably hard and aching and in need of a cupping. You need to take care of them baby.” I can’t believe that this is coming out of my mouth. My entire body is blushing.

“Oh, God, Kate, I can just imagine your mouth on me. Your hands holding me, stroking my length. I wish you were here.” He sounds desperate and quite frankly so am I. “Kate, you need to play with your nipples, they will be hard little nubs and you will feel so good when you stroke them. Are you doing that sweetheart?”

“Yes. I can almost feel your mouth and hands on them. I love the way you lick and bite me when we make love. I like it when you’re rough. I remember what it was like to have you inside me this morning. You were so deep inside me, I could feel you touching my stomach, I swear.” I hear his breathing getting heavier and more ragged. He moans at my words and I know he is close. “You are so hard, so big. I love it when you fuck me hard and fast. I love how your hard cock strokes inside me, and how you move with me. It makes me so wet, like now, oh, oh…” And just like that I am pulsing around my own fingers as I hear his breathing hitch then he gasps as he comes.

“Fuck baby. I’ve never done that before. That was amazing.” He is panting like he’s run a marathon. “Jesus, Kate, you are amazing.”

“Back at ya, Grey.” I don’t have a coherent thought in me right now. I can’t believe what we’ve just done. What I’ve just done. I just…and he just… all by a little dirty talk on the phone. It’s official. I’m a slut!

“Hang on, Katie, I’ve gotta clean up here a bit.” I hear him stumbling about and I take the time to get dressed into my pjs. I feel all glowy and sated. God, I wish he were here. God, I can’t wait to move to Seattle. Portland feels like it might as well be on another planet. However, if the phone sex is this good maybe we might actually survive a long distance relationship. Perhaps next time we can try it with Skype! I shake my head at my lascivious thoughts when he comes back on the line.

“Thank you baby. I really needed that.”

“Really? After all the hot, horny sex we had this morning? You are insatiable, Mr Grey.”

“I didn’t hear any complaints from you, Miss K.” He’s reading my mind. “Besides, you seem to have me in a state of perpetual horniness. My meeting this afternoon was interesting for a start. I’m sure I was giving Gia the wrong idea.”

“Gia?” In an instant my afterglow buzz is killed. How can you have a meeting with a ‘Gia’ and be horny for me? ‘Gia’ doesn’t sound like a work colleague. ‘Gia’ sounds like a blonde bombshell in killer heels. Shit!

“The architect I was meeting.” Oh! I file that one away for later. I don’t want to kill his mood. For all I know, Gia could be as old as my mother.

“Did your meeting go well?”

“Well-ish.” There’s an edge in his voice. A disturbance in the force. ” We still have a lot of details to hammer out on this build before we can get started. A difficult client by all accounts. Listen, I might get free on Thursday for a while during the afternoon. Any chance we can get together then? I really want to see you babe.”

Thursday, shit! “Thursday is my graduation ceremony. The reason why Christian is staying in Portland remember?” On one level, I am disappointed, on another, I’m excited. Thursday is a pretty big deal for me.

“Sorry, I forgot. Well, I guess you will have to sit through hours of boring speeches including Christian’s, sorry about that.”

“I hope they’re not boring. I’m valedictorian.” I laugh.

“Damn, Kate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you would be boring. Why didn’t you tell me you were giving a speech?” He sounds put out.

“You had me so distracted I forgot to mention it. I apologize.” Oh, you sweet man. I get the mental image that’s both funny and sobering. Elliot, naked on his bed, pouting like a spoilt adolescent. Does he usually pout if he doesn’t get his way?

“Can I come?” It never would have crossed my mind to invite him. Like he said, graduations are full of long boring speeches. It never occurred to me that he might want to come.

“Of course you can. I just didn’t think you would be interested. You’ve known me five minutes and you know how these things are.” Regardless of my superior oratory skills and burgeoning career as a stand up comic, in the end it will still be two hours watching paint dry as they hand out diplomas to people you neither know nor care about. Two hours of your life that you won’t get back.

“If you don’t want me to come just say, Kate.” He sounds grumpy. Oh no. Sweet man.

“Baby, I would love you to come. Just don’t feel like you have to. I will understand.” I’m trying to be placating but I think I might be missing my mark. How can I communicate contrite over the phone?

“Great. I will be there.” Oh 180 on the grumpiness. I smile at the thought of having him there until I realize that this means he will probably meet my parents face to face. Oh hell. This might not be a good idea. I’m usually pretty good at public speaking but knowing that the big ‘meet-the-parent’ moment is waiting at the end will do nothing for my nerves. Suck it up, Kavanagh! I take the thought of breaking the news about the holiday to them and shove it down into the recesses of my subconscious. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

“Okay. The ceremony starts at 3pm in the WSU auditorium Vancouver. I’ll text you the details.”

“Hey, if you’re worried about me meeting your folks, don’t be.” Mind reading again, Mr Grey. “I can do charming. I promise.”

“I believe you could. Listen, I better go and pack another box before I go to bed.” I don’t want to go. I would hang on to this line all night if I could. Just so I could hear him breath in the night.

“Okay, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow. Or you can call me.” Good because I was just thinking the same thing.

“Goodnight, Elliot,” I whisper.

“Laters baby.”