When Kate said ‘yes’ to my proposal I couldn’t help myself. I insisted that we get a marriage license within a week of getting back to Seattle. It was my insurance policy against her falling back down that big black hole of depression again and the day of the massive meltdown, I very nearly dragged her off to the registrar’s office and probably would have if Mia hadn’t been abducted by Jack Hyde. When that happened all thoughts of a rushed wedding were pushed aside and I entrusted the licence to Christian for safekeeping. Now as I look around at all of these expectant faces I am starting to regret that decision. I should have just burned the damn thing.
Dear Lashell Collins posted today about being a romance junkie and our need to indulge in fictional boyfriends. A new blogging and fan fic friend Rachel J Lewis was also lamenting the need for the fictional boyfriend recently. I sympathised with her plight when she highlighted all the ways that her Significant Other wasn’t quite matching up to those between the page Princes that we know and love. But I have to admit, that after the
week month from hell, my experience was somewhat different and when life smacks me in the face, my fictional boyfriends don’t quite cut it. Don’t get me wrong, I love a romantic fictional alpha as much as the next girl but not as a replacement for the real thing. More as an enhancement of the real thing because when it comes down to it, the prince in your arms is worth two on the pages.
So here is my Tribute to SuperGeek.
First, I have to tell you about my life at the moment.
My work is more stressful than it has any right to be but mostly it is that way because of a system that quite frankly likes to fuck with people’s minds and lives. Consequently, I have been working 14 hour days for most of the past four weeks (because these things come in waves) and pretty much 7 days a week. In fact, I deliberately snuck off for a mini-break in the first week of June because I knew it would be like this with very little let up before November. Every year for the past four has been like this and I don’t know why this year should be any different. Oh, hang on, yes I do, more students enrolled, more timetabling headaches, more resource dilemmas, more staff to manage and somehow, less time to do everything.
So last week I got to the end of another, particularly stressful week and I broke. Quite literally. When you find yourself sitting on the floor of the shower at 10pm in your good work clothes crying because you can’t get the shower screen clean, then you know there is something seriously wrong.
And this is how I know that I married a prince. First, he wrestled the cloth out of my hand and took me to the couch to wipe my tears and hold me while I cried. Then he made me tea, sent the kids away, turned everything off and talked with me. Listened to all the shit things that were overwhelming me and best of all, helped me make a plan. He helped me to see that I could put one more foot in front of the other but we would do it together and even better, we would do it in the morning. Then he tucked me into bed and he held me all night.
The next morning he brought me breakfast in bed and then my computer so I could start working on those steps. All through the day he checked in, reminding me gently what they were, which order they had to happen and cheering me on until they were done and I could breath again. Oh, and he also made me take regular breaks and got me out of the house to feed me.
That is the way of the Prince. But it isn’t always about those big moments cos that is when you hope that your partner will step up.
No, it is the little every dayness that makes him a true prince. The way that he has taken on the cooking in our household and therefore the shopping. The way that he apologises for being late home if he gets held up past 6pm. The way he knows what deoderant I use, my brand of feminine products, my favourite meals to order out and my brand of tea (even though he never drinks the stuff). He doesn’t complain when I spend money and he takes me out to lunch or brunch on weekends just to be alone with me. He taxi drives the kids on the late night pick ups because he knows I don’t like driving at night. And, I never have to ask him to help out around the house.
Then there are those special things between the two of us. The way he spoons me every night before he goes to sleep. The fact that he still thinks I’m sexy even though I am twice the girl he married. The pride he takes in the fact that I have a doctorate (apparently I am the smartest person he knows and I married beneath me) and I gained it after he wrenched me and the kids away from family and friends to relocate to Australia (I hope he has forgiven himself for that one). The way he touches my face and kisses me goodbye every morning before he leaves for work and the way he greets me with a kiss and makes me a drink in the evening when he gets home to remind me to stop work for a while.
If I had to say what makes him better than my fictional boyfriends? He grounds me, reminds me that nothing is ever really as bad as I think it is and he makes me laugh, every day. That, ladies and gents, is the sexiest damn thing on earth.
Do you ever go through your WordPress stats page and look at the search terms that people put in to find you? Of course you do. I do. This question came up recently as a search term for my blog and it got me thinking about the longing that might be behind the question.
On the same day – as fate often allows – a good facebook/fanfic friend posted this link.
My personal favorite:
8. Have a normal face
Staring at his lover in chapter 20, Christian Grey’s “eyes blaze with anger, need and pure unadulterated lust”.
Stand in front of a mirror. Have a go at that combination. Now, never make that face again. You look constipated.
After I had fallen about laughing at all the truisms that Victoria Coren brings up I wondered about the women out there who are looking for a real life Mr Grey and all the men who are now getting mixed messages about what is appropriate behavior when encountering the Grey-sessed.
Later that same day someone posted this story on facebook.
When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have a boyfriend.
When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate guy, but he was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, he was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a guy with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he was boring. He was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting guy, but I couldn’t keep up with him. He rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone he met. He made me miserable as often as happy. He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find
a guy with some ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him. He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything I owned, and ran off with my best friend.
I am now 47 and am looking for a guy with a big dick.
The message board ran hot for a while with shared sentiments. This type of moral tale needs to come with a warning – there are a lot of photoshopped dicks out there!!
I was lucky to find my life partner in my 20s. I feel for others who found, then lost; or are still looking. I have a couple of friends who even in their forties are serial monogamists, still looking for Mr Right and settling for Mr Right Now. A lot of discussion surrounded the training of a young man to meet a woman’s needs. My response was to post this sage advice. Helen Humes recorded this originally in 1927 and it still stands up.
I found it reassuring to read The College Crush. Jen explains that the obsession with CG is ok, even understandable. Fictional heroes are good for the soul but in the search for our own real life partner, we need to have a firm grip on reality.
1. Knight in Shining Armor
Described as a man who gallantly comes to the aid of a woman in a time of need. Sure, there are guys out there that will drop everything to change your flat tire or kill the spider taunting you on the wall, but really it’s old misogynist ideal that has become romanticized. We are more than capable to grab that shoe, kill the spider, then freak out about how gross that was without a man being present.
2. You complete me.
I know I cried when a teary eyed Jerry Maguire entered into a room full of angry women ranting about how the men in their lives ruined them and declared to his wife that “she completes him”. But you don’t want to aspire to complete someone, you want to aspire to be the person that best complements them. If there are holes in people’s lives they need to fill those on their own, not with you.
3. Love at first sight.
Infatuation, lust, wonder, awe, and curiosity – all things that can happen at first sight- love not so much. Love is too profound and truly beautiful to happen so immediately.
4. Can’t imagine my life without you.
When a relationship comes to an end it always seems this way. It must be the end of the world because how could you possibly go on breathing without this person, but then one day it just happens you wake up and the relationship is no longer the crux of your being, but a memory fond, or not, that is now in the past.
Once you leave college and are out in the “real world” you quickly realize that your happiness relies solely on your shoulders. It is now on you to find a job, new friends and new hobbies that will make you the happiest you. Yes, being in a relationship is fun and exciting but the only way relationships can truly grow and survive is if you make yourself happy first. So, stop falling for these false ideals and find a guy who complements the best parts of you.
Remind yourselves, Christian Grey, even as a fictional boyfriend, is deeply flawed and not always in a rational and sexy way. More importantly he does NOT exist and if he did, apparently he would look like a serial killer.
- Should men read 50 Shades of Grey? (sumeshnee.wordpress.com)
- How Fifty Shades of Grey set pulses racing in the libraries of Surrey (telegraph.co.uk)
- Man on trial for assualt after Fifty Shades of Grey Sex game with lover… who ‘forgot to say code word for him to stop beating her’ (swns.com)
- 50 Shades of “I’ll Have What She’s Having” (herd.typepad.com)
- Cupid vs. Christian Grey: how will you Celebrate this Valentine’s Day? (savoo.co.uk)
- Twihards v the Grey-sessed: does it matter? (sashacameron.com)
“And this is my brother, Ethan Kavanagh,” I still have my arm around Ana and by the look on his face I don’t think I will just hand back his new shiny toy. For a start Ana is a nice girl and she deserves better than to be some contractual obligation. I smile at him and he smiles back in that way that says ‘let the pissing contest begin’. En garde, Grey.
“Ana, baby.” And that is enough for Ana to go into submissive mode. Her body language and stance changes completely. Her demeanor is replaced by this kind of subservient compliance. Wow, I have seen this in criminal and combat relationships but never in a romantic relationship. It is quite something. I’d love to see more but then Kate drags me away.
“What the fuck was that?” Maybe Kate can tell me more.
“You just met Christian Grey, the dominant.” I laugh but I know that is exactly what I have seen. Somehow I need to get someone inside Escala. Ana might need protection.