I have vodka shots anyone want some? | Sasha Cameron

All good celebrations have a kick-ass cake and every piece of fan fiction has an original work to base itself on. As you all know, my drug of choice is Fifty Shades of Grey. There is every likelihood that it will be the only fan fiction I ever write. But not everyone who lowers themselves to read this blog has ever, or will ever, read FSOG.

So, to get this party started, tell me, have you actually read the book? Really? If you only skimmed the first few pages and gave up, you can admit it. I don’t mind admitting to the world that I’ve read the books but I know that I have colleagues who will strip me of my post-structuralist feminist badge and membership if they knew just how much I loved them. Maybe you didn’t read them but you have indulged in one of the many blogs that have parodied or ‘reviewed’ the books. They’re great, aren’t they? They are so thorough that you might believe that you have read the books. There are some really great ones out there but if you’ve never read one I recommend Fifty Shades of Dave (see blog roll).

Have you read ALL of the books? Yes, there are three! Stop laughing! It’s true! They’re a continuous story – you know, one follows the other. No, really! I’m serious! And they’re quite thick books with lots of words. After a few false starts, I read them all in three days. I didn’t eat, I didn’t shower, I barely slept. There is still a bum dent in the couch. SuperGeek was overseas and my kids were not allowed to speak to me until I finished. I think they may have chewed their own arms off in desperation. There may have been pizza’s delivered. I don’t know. Now that I write fan fiction, things are not much better, I haven’t seen them in months.

Have you read the books multiple times? Go on, you can tell me. Okay, I’ll go first. I’ve read them four times. Yep, count ’em Jim. And you know what? There are people out there who have read them more than that. Yes! I may, in fact, not hold the record. I kid you not! Since we’re confessing, I also read all the Twilight books four times and Little Women 10 times. I don’t know why. Okay, I do. I’m obsessive when it comes to falling in love with stories and characters. Now, I’m thinking of reading the Black Dagger Brotherhood multiple times just to take the taste out of my mouth. There are 12 books and counting in that series so I might be a while.

Did you try to read FSOG and fail? Or have you never had any desire to pick it up? It’s okay. As I said, I myself had three or four false starts. The ebooks sat for months on my iPad, taunting me. I’d spent all that money and I couldn’t get past the first couple of chapters. That whole interview scene did nothing for me. Let’s face it, it is dreadful writing but (IMHO) good storytelling. Finally, it was a radio show that encouraged me to push on and read the whole book. The words ‘spontaneous orgasms’ might have been used. It was enough to tempt me. I have no regrets. I might have had spontaneous orgasms – I’ll never tell.

So please. Tell me your story. Even your stories of resistance and repulsion interest me. You don’t have to agree with those of us who love it (yes, there are more just like me out there). And you lot who love it, you don’t have to defend your love to the world. No judgements, just love and acceptance and sharing the juicy bits. Now, this is a party for goodness sake!

Grab a drink and mingle!