My whole body is trembling and Christian pulls me in closer as we pass security and head to the top of the drive. Emerging from the car I see him standing there, looking tired but so beautiful and all I want to do is go to him. Someone holds me back. Jason I think. I don’t understand. At first I try to get out of his grasp. He has made a mistake. He knows I have to go to Elliot. That is why we are here.
“Kate, stop, you can’t go up there.” I still for a moment and turn my body in his hold, looking up at him in complete disbelief.
“Let me go. I have to go to him.” My voice is calm, foreign to me. He firms his grip.
“You can’t, Kate.”
“Jason, get your hands off me.” He tightens and I struggle. He’s lost his marbles. He has no right to stop me. My voice goes from a malevolent whisper to a full watch-your-testicles roar. “Get your fucking hands off me.” Screaming, slapping, struggling but most of all screaming, that just feels amazing. Jason is losing the fight.
“Katherine.” Christian’s dominant voice cuts in and he moves in to pull me into his protective body. I breathe him in but he is not Elliot. He is not my Elliot. “Katherine.” I know that tone, I am in trouble. He is about to scold me. I go to pull away from his impending discipline but he folds me in tighter.
“Kate. You can’t go to him. Look at me.” Somewhere in the struggle the fight leaves my body and the shudder of my first sobs arrives. “If you go up there upset or without safety gear, he might step off that plate. If there is any chance of him surviving we have to play this smart. Keep him calm. That starts with you. If I was up there and Ana came in like that I am not sure that I could have kept my cool. Look at him. I’m not sure I would have the composure to survive but he does. He can, but not if you lose it. You can do this. You need to use that analytic brain and work out how to do this so we can keep him alive.”