Monday

Dear Diary,

Hi! My name is E.L. Ja . . . Bambi Vagina.  I’m just your average stunningly beautiful 21-year-old college student in China studying to become a veterinarian.  I’ve always loved kids, so it seemed like such a cute idea to cut them up!  I live in this totally awesome apartment that is like better than anything you will ever live in so I don’t have to describe it.  Think sandstone.  There’s a lot of that.  Bricks too.

My roommate is Kimberly Kardishipan and she is just so annoying cause like she lets me mooch off her but doesn’t appreciate it.  Today I have to do some stupid interview thingy with this really hot rich guy cause she went and got sick.  I told her not to eat Taco Bell. My life is so HARD.

I drove to his work in my car that is so hipster cause…