John Tucker Must Die (soundtrack) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dave’s Blog – A Man Reads Fifty Shades of Grey

At first I was put off by the title.  After proving definitively through at least two hours of extensive research that Dudes do not in fact get it (FSOG), I was a little hesitant to engage with another ill-informed MM (mere male) commentary.  This has challenged me in so many ways most of which have to do with sneaky pee leakage as a result of excessive laughter.  Dave has taken the time to read (albeit slowly) each and every chapter so as to better provide us with a thorough analysis of the text.  He is insightful and witty which is a shame really because I didn’t want to like this.  My one major complaint, besides the smell of my furniture is that I may have broken my computer when I rolled off the chair and on to the floor.  When my stomach stops hurting I will start reading again from Chapter 5.  Yes that is as far I could get before hemorrhaging.  Pay your health insurance up to date and then go and have a look.

Sasha xox

My Response to Dave’s Analysis of Chapter 1

This is brilliant, succinct, insightful…are you sure you aren’t a woman? I now feel for the many men (and women) who may be questioning their daily journeys through steel and glass vaginas as they innocently try to get to their offices. In defense of the 165 mile journey – she isn’t trying to drive up the gridlock that is the M1 (or whatever M connects Sheffield and London – I live in Melbourne, so wouldn’t have a clue) and the sweetener was driving the Mercedes sports. Now I would defy anyone, man or woman, currently driving some clapped out VW deathtrap not to just ever so slightly cream themselves over the chance to race one of those babies up and down a relatively empty (again, making assumptions here) freeway.

My Response to Dave’s Analysis of Chapter 2

Another brilliant review although I may have to stop reading now as my bladder control is not that great and I just bought new outdoor furniture. OK my critique of your critique is as follows (just because no one this funny should be allowed to get away with it). First, Kate had the flu, she is not a man, she did not have man-flu, nough said! Second, the man drives an Audi R8, I think I made my point in my previous reply. Something about stroking gear sticks, revving his engine, going the distance…. Third, and call me shallow, but the guy is fucking billionaire – could care less about the genetic predisposition of his face looking like a scrotum as result of overly extended digits, proclivity for cable ties and calorie bearing vocal tones. Show me the money!!! BTW I might be 80% dark – fundamentally bitter, unpalatable on its own and only really any good for cooking.

My Response to Dave’s Analysis of Chapter 3

I won’t get into a debate about the catch and release hand holding as a way of ruining a first date as I may or may not have slept with my husband on our first date. (Not sure what I was holding really.) At this point I would highly recommend that you read http://ladyornot.com/fifty-shades-satire/ as Rebecca has researched thoroughly and come up with a substantial list of medical conditions that may explain all that blushing and cocking including the possibility that Ana has early onset menopause.

My Response to Dave’s Analysis of Chapter 4

You state that no man would hold back a woman’s hair in this situation. Again, I take issue sir, my husband (aka SuperGeek – don’t go there Dave, I know what you’re thinking and no he is definitely hetero) has on occasion been MAN enough to hold my tresses while in the throes of a tequila induced technicolour yawn. Ahh, memories…

I would like to let you know that I am a big fan of John Tucker Must Die and will be looking forward to your insertion of said reference (sounds, hot) in later chapters that discuss the ripping of lacy g-strings and the use of nipple clamps.